Rakija meets Sake
by CopraMeow
Summary: The tales of the mighty slipper! Or as I would say what can posibbly get wrong when a pair of girls with nasty habits mix up with pirates? Crack, humor and curse filled fic. English/Croatian/Bosnian language mix
1. Chapter 1

**Rakija meets Sake **

* * *

A/n : what happens when to OP obsessed girls talk? THIS. Inspired by REAL events on the Balkan.

Fortunately for them don't own One Piece.

Rakija is basically schnaps or hard liquor that is found on the Balkans, made of plums or with herbs. It's strong and yummy :3 The language the girls speak is a mix of Croatian and Bosnian ( our countries)

* * *

Chapter of the cat

South Blue was famous for the climate, the passionate women and pirates. That evening a new group was founded.

The Kidd pirates. A young man with bright red flame like hair and goggles raised a cup of sake high and looked over his new mates. To his right a blonde guy wearing a mask sat, Killer, next to him a blue skinned guy with dreads and stitches, Heat and lastly wearing a long cloak and trident, Wire.

They were the core of the Kidd pirates – the next in search of the one true One Piece. Their ship would be finished tomorrow and the rest of the crew together with supplies would be ready for the long awaited journey. They all dreamt of the glory and riches awaiting the crew of the next King of the Pirates.

Kidd couldn't stop grinning as he chugged down more and more sake. The young man had acquired a Devil Fruit that allowed him to use the powers of magnetism. With this nothing could keep him away from his goal!

Killer eyed his young and brash captain. This would be a long night but they deserved it. It had taken some time for Kidd to persuade people to join him – most laughed at his dream. Few of them lived to tell the tale. Kidd was too impatient and he leveled him. Nevertheless he deemed him a true friend.

Wire and Heat were both grinning, being the silent ones they watched the display of their loud captain close. Few words were spoken between them but you could see the respect in their eyes.

Music and loud speech were suddenly muffled as a black cat ran through the tavern. Everyone watched as the agile feline went from one to the other table. It seemed to observe the occupants and carefully advancing to Kidd's table. Sniffing the air it sat on and started cleaning itself.

˝Beware young ones, it's the cursed cat!˝- An older sailor yelled from the bar. He laughed then and turned to his drink.

˝Crazy old fuck˝- Kidd muttered and glanced at the cat. It was still cleaning itself. ˝Why the fuck would this furry thing be cursed?!˝- he cursed at the cat and watched as it held his gaze than yawned and turned to exit the tavern.

˝That was weird˝- Killer said after a few moments.

˝Fuck it. Let's celebrate!˝- Kidd banged his fist on the table and called one of the girls for more sake. It was a long night.

* * *

*the next day*

* * *

˝Prepare the sails! Get those boxes in the pantry!˝- Killer shouted orders to the busy crew. He was still hangover and tired but the excitement took over. They would set sail to the Grand line soon.

˝Wire what the fuck is this!?˝- An angry and extremely hangover Kidd yelled and scared the crew. They all heard stories about Eustass Kidd and what happened when you pissed him off.

˝I'm not sure young Master, but could it be the same one from last night?˝- Wire replied politely.

Kidd stared angrily at a black cat. It sat content on the wooden railing and enjoyed the sun rays. Killer came to see what the fuss was and stopped abruptly. A black cat. Could it be the same one as yesterday? It seemed too weird but with their keen sense of smell nothing was impossible.

˝Maybe she followed our scent˝- he offered and the two guys turned to him

˝But we don't stink, Killer-san˝

˝Why the fuck do you think it's a „she"?˝- Kidd and Wire said at the same time.

˝I'm assuming, just look˝- Killer said turning to them and then back to the cat to emphasize but stared shocked. A half naked girl sat o the railing. She had a tattered black dress and raven hair to her waist. A pair of green mischievous eyes stared at them.

˝Miyao!˝- she said and giggled.

˝WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?˝- Kidd got in her face and the cat-girl frowned.

˝My, my so loud and impolite! I might just curse you young pirate! And all I wanted was to read your future. Phew, pesky pirates˝- she tsked with the tongue and watched amused as Kidd's face got redder and redder. Her dress was skimpy and revealed a lot.

˝What my Captain wants to know is how you got on our ship˝- Killer intervened and stepped between them. It was better to stop any unnecessary bloodshed.

˝Erm the bridge?˝- She pointed to a wooden plank where the crew was still brining in supplies. An awkward silence fell.

˝Did you say future?˝- Wire said after a few minutes passed.

˝Yes! I wanted to give you a gift but you're so rude!˝- she stuck her tongue out to the redhead who fumed.

˝Why you little!˝

˝Then could you please?˝- Wire asked and the men looked at him. He was usually silent but this seemed to interest him.

˝Come here.˝- Wire complied and tried not to look at her chest. He only noticed a few chains and various pendants. - ˝Give me your left hand, it's the hand you shape your destiny˝.

She studied it and frowned then smiled and eventually beamed at him. - ˝Your future holds many adventures and battles ahead. Keep your head high and follow you heart Wire-kun.˝- She finished proudly and Wire blushed. How did she know his name?

Killer watched her sceptically. She could have heard the name but a good omen always comes handy, in this journey especially. So, even though he didn't believe, he walked to the cat-girl and extended his left hand. The girl smiled and took it. Again she studied the lines frowning and smiling.

˝Your future holds many worries and..˝ - here Killer glanced at Kidd. Tell me something new. ˝And chances to rise above the rest. You must continue with your training and abandon string for spinning metal, Killer-kun˝- the cat-girl concluded while Killer stared. How did she know what he used in battles? Two spinning scythes but connected with string. He needed a way to improve them so that they wouldn't break easily. Too surprised to even say anything he turned to walk back to his place.

˝Now mine.˝- Kidd came to her and glared. She tsked but took his palm nevertheless.

A giggle, a frown, a smile. The emotions and expressions kept changing. Her finger traced the lines on his hand a few times.

˝Captain Kidd your future is most...intricate. Battles and pillages, a new title that would be heard all over the seas and a devil on your ship.˝

Kidd grinned at the part about „the title". -˝So I'll be King of the Pirates?˝

˝I didn't say that. It might be something else for the beginning.˝- the cat-girl said while shrugging her shoulders.

˝Hrgn ,what about the devil?˝

˝Female. She'll be the mother of your children and your mate for life˝- the cat-girl said in a serious voice but the Captain and fellow mates cracked up. Kidd and a wife? Children? Now that would be a first. Still laughing he turned to her. ˝Now that you gave us your „gift „ go. We need to set sail˝- Kidd said and walked to the main deck.

˝Don't mind him and thank you young miss˝- Wire said and followed his captain. The cat-girl stared and turned to Killer.

˝Watch over him. – He is troublesome˝- With a hiss she turned to a cat and jumped over board to the harbour.

˝Hell if I didn't know that already..˝- Killer mumbled and headed for the main deck as well.

* * *

*a year later*

* * *

Things had been going good for the Kidd Pirates. Slowly but steadily they have made their name heard on the Grand Line. Pillaging and the occasional civil casualty earned them first bounties and rivals. They were currently sailing to a small spring island to restock on supplies.

˝Wire, I can see something floating!˝- Dean shouted from the crown's nest. He was a keen guy who didn't mind being constantly on-guard guy. Scrawny and fast he didn't do much during battles but stealing and tricks were up his sleeve.

˝What is it?˝- Wire shouted back.

˝Heck if I knew. Look like a wooden crate˝- Dean said back. A wooden crate? What the? They were in the middle of the ocean!˝

˝You two look for it. It could be supplies floating after a shipwreck. The two guys nodded and went to fish it out.

˝Wire-san!˝- A few moments later he heard their voices in panic. ˝You should see this!˝

Killer and Kidd heard the commotion and followed Heat who was just to go on deck to see what the fuck was the crew shouting. The crew spilt to give them a path and saw Wire and two mates stare at a particularly big crate. Lying in there were two unconscious girls; a bigger blonde with facial piercings in soaking wet clothes and the other with light brown tousled hair with a bottle in her hands. Killer nudged her with the tip of his boot.

˝Hnnn aaa?˝- she tried and yawned. Her elbow hit the other girl.

˝Kaaj [ What]˝- she purred in her sleep and tried to shift making her fall of the crate. She landed face down on the wooden deck. ˝Jebem ti krvgavu kičmu.[Fuck me with a knobby spine]˝

˝Što to melješ?[What are you saying]˝- The other retorted and opened her eyes . Dark green eyes stared at the crew and slowly her mouth fell. ˝EEVAAA!˝

Said girl opened her eyes and revealed a set of pale green eyes ˝Kaj!? DI SMO?[ What? Where are we?]˝- Her face was in shock as she to stared at the crew.

˝Jebao me konj, koliko smo mi pile sinoć?˝[Fuck me sideways, how much did we drink last night?]

˝Da me jebeš, ne znam. Al kaj nismo mi u srcu Bosne bile? Kakvo je ovo mrtvo more!?˝[Fuck me if I know. Weren't we in the middle of Bosnia last night? The fuck is with this sea?]

˝Ahem, nije ti nešto poznato?˝[Ahem, isn't something familiar hear]

˝Jebeno poznato. Ček.ČEEK. KAE OVO? COSPLAY DAN?˝[Yeah. Wait Waaait. What is this? Cosplay day?]

˝Jebo te cosplay, ja briem da je ovo...˝ [Fuck your cosplay, I think this is..]

˝Kaj stvarno, daj me nemoj jebat. Daj pogle ih. Kak mutavo gledaju. Al ovaj fraer...˝[What real, you gotta be shitting me. Look at them. They're looking like idiots. But this guy..] - The blonde eyed Captain Kidd and blushed lightly.

˝Kae već gubiš glavu?˝ [Already loosing your head?]

˝Odjebi, gledaj onog svog nakaradnog˝ [Fuck of, go watch that cripple of yours]

˝Ej˝[Oi]

˝Ovaj bar ne nosi limenu ploču prek glave˝ [At least this one doesn't have a tin plate on his head]

˝Možda skriva ljepotu, znaaš˝ [Maybe his hiding his beauty]

˝Možda je geeej˝- The blonde laughed and brunette huffed. [Maybe he's gaaaaaay]

˝STOP THAT GHOULISH TALK! Who the fuck, are you!?˝- Captain Kidd, now a notorious pirate yelled. Even his crew shrunk back in fear.

˝Cure s Balkana, srećo. I'm Eva and this is Anja. Now how the fuck did we get on a ship whilst drinking before that in the mountains?!˝- Eva scoffed in his face and glared back. [Girls from the Balkan sugar]

No one noticed Killer turn and think. Something was off but so much familiar..Then it hit him. The cat-girl.

Shit.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2.

* * *

˝Could you erm...˝- Wire wanted to say something but the blonde shut hip up. The whole crew was around the two girls in the galley. They got some dry clothes from the crew and were currently devouring food. Eva was so fast at eating that most of the crew just stared while Wire tried to tell them to use forks and knives but got smacked by Anja.

˝Why? It's faster like this! I'm starving˝

˝hmm mm moreee!˝- Eva yelled and eyed the cook. She smiled brightly at him and the cook blushed.

˝Oi stop that!˝- Kidd yelled. He had a drink in his hand to prevent the headache these two caused. They were loud and obnoxious.

˝Stop what? I'm hungry and hangover, haven't you experienced that?˝

˝Yes but..˝

˝No butts!˝

˝Pff butt hahahha˝- Anja started laughing maniacally and Eva gave her a look.

˝You two are kids...˝- Killer commented and both girls stopped eating to glare at him. Eva cupped her boobs and tsked

˝Beacuse kids have this right?˝- She squeezed them and glared at Killer. Unfortunately his mask hid the reaction but a bright blush spread over his neck. A laugh was heard and all heads turned to Kid. He was amused by the girls reaction.

˝I think the Captain likes us˝- Anja commented.

˝More our boobs˝- Eva added and winked at him.

˝If only you didn't cause me headaches...˝- Kid retorted and drowned his drink. Eva's mouth was 'o' shaped and she giggled. setting her food down she got up and walked to Kid passing him and standing right behind him.

˝Well I think I should make up for that, shouldn't I?˝- Eva saw Kid tense but hold still. When a full minute passed she place her hands on his shoulders and pushed the furry coat away. She started massaging his muscles and making her way up his neck and temple. Kid was almost purring.

˝Does it help with your headache?˝- Eva whispered in his ear and saw him grin.

˝A bit, you should continue to make sure it does˝

˝Aye Captain˝- Eva smiled and continued. To say the crew was jealous was an understatment.

˝Vidim dala si si posla...˝- Anja commented [I see you're busy]

˝Smeta?˝ [Jealous?]

˝Noup, drži si ga nekak je pre...raw za mene˝ [Nahh, keep him. He's to raw for me]

˝Ha? Kaj ti to znači?˝ [Wha? What do you mean?]

˝Izgleda surovo bokte ko masa mesa..˝ [Too much meat ]

˝OO I to kakva masa mesa...˝[And what meat...]

˝Alo de ostavi malo krvi u tom mozgu plavušo...˝ [Keep some of that blood in the brain blondie]

˝Kasniš..˝ [Yer late]

˝O bog te jebo...˝ [ Oh fuck]

˝Šta psuješ jebo te!˝[Fucking stop cursing!]

˝Eto tak nego..daj reci...˝ [Because...tell me one thing]

˝A?˝[Hmm?]

˝Onaj limeni...˝ [That tin man]

˝A kaj s njim, de gleda me ko da će me pojest. Pa masiram ga samo...bože ljubomorne žene..˝ [What about him? He's looking at me like he'll eat me. I'm just giving him a massage...pff what a jealous woman]

˝Isuse to je to!˝ [Christ that's it!]

˝A?˝[What?]

˝ZAŠTO MASKA?! ŽENA JE˝[Why the mask! He's a woman!]

˝Es ti dobro? El to alkohol još isprava iz tebe?˝ [Are you okay? Is the alcohol still evaporating?]

˝Oi ghouls, what the fuck are you talking?˝- Kidd interrupted Eva and Anja.

˝Nothing special say why is Killer looking like he wants to kill me?˝

˝Jealousy, I got a hot masseuse and he didn't˝- Eva blushed bright red at the compliment and continued to message his neck. Kidd noticed the silence and chuckled. He liked the effect it had on her.

˝Oh really?˝- Anja said and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. She stood up and marched right to Killer and grabbed his hand. She forced him to sit next to Kid and got behind him.

˝De usro se, smiri malo˝ [Oi he shat himself, chill a bit]

˝Ala tiho tamo [Shush there]˝- Anja retorted and let her hands rest on his shoulder to calm him. She took his hair and put it over one shoulder so that she could work better and exposed his neck. without thinking she licked her lips and heard chuckling. Eva and Kidd saw her and watched her amused.

˝Ha ha˝

˝I'm sure he tastes fine˝- Eva said and Killer jumped up.

˝What the fuck!?˝- he screamed.

˝What I wanted to massage you!˝- Anja pouted

˝No you didn't!˝

˝Hey I won't eat you!˝

˝For now˝- Eva said and laughed.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3.

a/n = watch?v=Vhf5cuXiLTA because yes.

* * *

˝Seriously, from where are those two?˝- Heat commented. He was engrossed in a peculiar scene.

˝I'm not sure..˝- Wire replied and looked around . They were at an island, a rather small summer island to be precise.

* * *

_a few hours earlier..._

The crew was exited about the females on board, finally something good to see when life on the sea got boring. The gunners were already fantasizing about curves and silky skin when they heard someone summon Satan from the depths of Hell or rather burp. They shruged it off, must have been the Captain or someone...

˝Oi daj vidi nema nikog!˝ [Oi look there's no one around]

˝Da i? Vrati mi bocu!˝ [Yeah and, gimme the bottle back!]

˝A evo ti! El ima toga jooošš?˝ [Here! Is there more of that stuff]

˝Ona bačva hahahah daj malo vrti to! Wooo˝ [Only that barrel left hahaha. Spin it!]

The girls managed to stumble in the ship's pantry. In moments most of the sugary sweets were devoured. They did encounter the ships, cook, Ol' Flint, a nasty and plum ginger. He kept cursing and yelling but in the end he ended up tied to the fridge and an apple in his mouth. You could still hear him mumble and shot daggers with his eyes.

The bottom half contained the ship's booze. Wine, ale and rum - only the finest for the Kidd Pirates.

˝Jesi ga dovoljno razvodnila?¨ [Did you dilute it enough?]

˝Da mama, opusti se jebote, šta's napela˝ [Yeah mom, fucking relax]

* * *

˝Daj uzmi mi to kormilo!˝ [Take the wheel!]

˝Pa daj ga pogle, usrat će se!˝ [Look at him, he'll shit himself]

˝Ma zajebi, dodji. E mali! DAJ SE MAKNI! [Fuck it, c'mon. Oi kidd! Move]˝- Eva yelled and started to talk random gibberish and dance around the scrawny pirate on the wheel. He shouted at her but in the end ran screaming bloody murder and damn tits so that the whole ship heard.

˝Aww yeah!˝- Anja said and latched onto the wheel. Both girls giggled and took turns spinning the ship's wheel and making the ship rock. The pirates below them snickered and laughed at the drunken pair.

Eva spun the wheel and the ship abruptly stopped hitting something. Both of them were sent to the railing and hit head first. Panic, curses and shouting ensued filling the deck below them until a voice roared.

˝The fuck happened? James why aren't you at the wheel!?˝- Kidd growled at the scrawny pirate.

˝They started their ghoul talk Captain!˝- He replied and hid behind a canon.

˝They? Ghouls? I'm feeling a headache again, Killer come with me the rest of you check the ship and see what we fucking hit!˝- Kidd ordered. He made his way to the wheel and saw both of the girls cheeky grin at him.

˝Oi Capt!˝ -Eva greeted.

˝The fuck you did!?˝

˝Where did the island go!?˝- Anja said and jumped onto Killer.

˝What island exactly?˝- The masked man replied calm. Unlike him Kidd was fuming at Eva but tried not to ogle her breasts too much, of course the woman saw it and pressed her arms together squashing them.

˝Oh that! It has something pink! Let's go there!˝- Anja gave Killer her best puppy dog eyes. Just in time Wire came.

˝Captain, the ship will have to be pulled out, it appears we are stuck in sand. The island in front may have food that we can stock on until we pull the ship out˝

˝You two, go and take food get your asses off my ship!˝- Kidd ordered and turned to his room. He needed peace from the and those boobies

* * *

As soon as the small boat came to land both girls jumped out and ran to the small jungle. How could the giggle that much was a mystery to the men. Or maybe it was just the alcohol.

˝Daj pogle ono˝ [Look at that] - Anja said and touched a funny looking fruit.

˝Koji vrag?˝ [The hell?]

˝Jel to banana ili šlapa? [Is that a banana or a slipper?]˝ - Both girls gazed at a palm tree and the fruits hanging. They were red and pink bananas that had sex with slippers. A sliperbanana tree.

˝ILI OBOJE!? [OR BOTH?!]˝

˝Jel jestivo?[Is it edible?]˝- Anja smacked Eva's head ˝Auč˝[Auch]

˝Ove izlgedaju fino, crvene su! Juuj˝[These ones look yummy, they're red! AWWW]

˝Imaju čudan miris..oi [They have a weird smell, oi!]˝- Eva was too late, Anja had already put the sweet smelling fruit in her mouth and moaned.

˝Fer-fermented mmmm˝

˝Oh˝

* * *

˝Oi ghouls!˝- Kidd roared and walked around. He heard chattering and followed the high pitched voices. What he saw he'd never forget. Both girls were eating slippers, no bananas, what is that!?

˝KIDDDDDD˝- Eva yelled and ran to him. She pulled on his arm and grinned hugging it. ˝So waarm, ha limeni nije došao [Tin can didn't come]˝-She stuck her tongue out to Anja nad pulled Kidd's goggles.

˝Moje˝[Mine]- In a flash they were on her head.

˝Daj i meni malo zabave[Let me have some fun]˝- Anja came and took Kidd's coat off. ˝Fluffffy˝

˝Oi stop it!˝- Kidd tried to run but was grabbed by two pairs of drunken arms and thrown to the ground. Eustass Kidd would never hit a woman but now he wondered. Those giggling faces were too much. He felt chilly, oh they took his pants off.

WHAT?!

Again with the shouting.

˝Što da mu radimo?˝ [What should we do to him?]

˝Ne diraj ga!Moje!˝ [Don't touch him! Mine]

˝Dobro dobro˝ [Alright, alright]

˝Hmp˝

Kidd had enough of it and got up dusting himself. He growled deep in his throat and eyed them then dashed after them chasing them on the beach. The girls screamed and ran as fast as they could, half naked and wearing goggles and a coat. They ran around the slipperbanana trees and dodged branches and thick foliage. Eva turned to a enraged Kidd and threw a slipperbanana causing him to slip and fall hitting his head in a tree. The slipperbanana's fell on him, making a tiny slipperbanana mountain around the pirate Captain.

˝What happened?˝- He heard Killer's voice and turned fuming. His face resembled the color of his hair and the ripe slipperbananas.

˝I will get my revenge˝- Kidd hissed.

˝AAAAAAAAAA˝- A new scream tore the men from their avenging thoughts and Kidd shook the slipperbananas off him before running in the direction of the screams. Then he stopped.

Laughter and a weird voice.

A man, a tall man, wearing a fluffy pink feathery coat and rosy shades was waddling in front of the girls holding onto slipperbananas in each hand.

˝Ffufufuf these are mine my darlings! This is my secret slipperbananaochard!˝- He said and laughed. The girls glanced at each other and laughed.

˝Dofla je visok˝[Dofla is tall]- Eva commented and saw Kidd approach.

˝Bome da, gle ima jebene šlapabanane me ubijaju u pojam.[Yap but those fucking slipperbanans are just too much]˝

˝Naj reč ahahahahah˝[You don't say]

˝Fufufufu it looks like you ran into a little trouble with your ship, namely this island , would you care to join me for dinner? All you can eat slipperbananas oh and my little brother will join too! Fuufufu˝-Doflamingo said and waddled to the other side.

˝JEL ON TO OZBILJNO MORAMO IČ. ISSUE KRISTE. DA DA DA [IS HE SERIOUS. WE HAVE TO GO. JESUS CHRIST].˝- Anja hyperventilated.

˝Daj se smiri, vidjet češ svog doktorčića hahahaha˝[Take a breather, you'll see your little doctor]

˝ODJEBI! Kaj da obućem? A kosa? Oh bože on! DAAA˝[Fuck off. What should I wear? And my hair? Oh god yes it's him!]- Anja continued to panic and Eva used the moment to walk over to Kidd. He was still looking troubled and pissed.

˝Wanna come to the dinner, another rookie will be there?˝

˝Oh really? Then I will, Killer?˝

˝It is always good to see the competition..˝

˝KAJ DA OBUČEM!?˝ [What should I wear?]

* * *

_ To be continued in the next chapter..._


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4.

* * *

˝Zake su svi potišteni?˝[Why is everybody down?] - Anja asked curiously.

˝Puno me pitaš, onaj limeni je u depri jer si lepršala...˝ [Why do you ask me? The tin can was depressed while you danced around]- Eva answered.

˝Pa ak je to on naravno!˝ [Well if it is him..]

˝O smiri se brate, idem si muža gnjavit˝ [Chill already, Imma go harras my husband]- Eva said with a grin

˝Već ga mužem zoveš˝ [Already calling him your husband]

˝SHIP ON THE STARBOAR!˝- came the yell from the crow's nest. Everyone turned to see something yellow emerge from the water. Two lamps dangled and soon a huge yellow submarine was by the Kidd pirates ship. It had the word DEATH written on it. Eva started laughing like a maniac and pointing her finger

˝TAKO JE KRIČAVO AHHAHAHAHAHAH˝ [ IT'S SO KITSCHY! (bright) AHAHAHAHA ]

˝Prestani˝[Stop it] Anja scoffed. ˝He's here...oh god oh god, okay breathe˝- She started a few exercises to keep herself from hyperventilating. The whole thing was observed by the Captain and quartermaster. While Killer being silent as most of the time, the redhead prefered a good string of curses to welcome the newcomers.

˝The hell is that shit? Some pansy hiding under tin? Uhm no offense Killer˝- Kidd rambled.

Suddenly the door opened and a lanky man carrying a long sword came out. He stretched and yawned while a few wolf whistles pierced the silence. He scratched his goatee and looked at the ship with curious eyes.

˝I'd tap that sword If you know what I mean...nadam se da ga zna koristit˝[I hope he knows how to use it]- A voice said.

˝Did you say that?˝- His deep voice asked the red head Captain who was currently staring at him. Kidd turned red in his face and snarled.

˝The fuck you looking at me?! It was that wench!˝- He showed at Anja who was hiding behind a barrel and peeking at the man on the sub. Killer nodded and cleared his throat.

˝And you are?˝

˝Trafalgar Law, Surgeon of Death at your service˝- The lanky man said and smirked.

˝Oh I'd let you service me..˝- Anja said with hearts in her eyes and Eva smacked her head.

˝At least keep some dignity while ogling, he's shady as fuck. Look!˝- Eva whined. ˝What pirate has a childish, fluffy HAT?!˝

˝HE'S CUTE OKAY. KAWAII AS FUCK, why are you saying Kidd is better?˝- Anja argued.

˝At least he's manly and not that...whatever it is..˝-Eva shotued back and took a fighting stance. Both girls were surrounded by flames glaring at each other while the others sighed.

˝Zašto moraš srati po njemu?˝ [Why do you have to shit on him?] -Anja glared

˝E da serem vidjelo bi se, usotalom ionako je tamnoput..možda je neko već?˝ [If I had been shitting on him, you'd see., anyway he's tanned maybe somebody already has?] - Eva yelled laughing her ass off. Anja was getting redder in her face and trembling from anger.

˝Reći ću mu da te izreže za večeru prasice!˝ [I'm going to tell him to cut you up for dinner pig!]

˝Bar će ti biti fino meso hahaha˝ [At least the meat will be tasty hahah]

˝Puno sala prije˝ [More full of fat]

˝Onda me nemoj papati hahaha pusti to Kiddu˝[Then don't eat and let Kidd do that] - Eva winked at a confused Kidd. Anja made barfing noises.

˝Idem se spremit prasice. Pff˝ [I'm going to get ready pig]

˝Sam ti idi, ionako je doktročić ljut..hihih˝ [Go on, the lil' doctor is mad anyway]

˝ŠTO?˝ [What?]

˝Pogledaj..˝- [Look...]Anja turned to the sub and saw a frowning Law staring right at them.

˝Would you like to explain what exactly you are saying about me? That talk sounds like a witches language˝

˝What's with you? Frist ghouls, now witches?˝- Eva asked. She was seriously getting sick of it. Like their language was better.

˝Uh nothing wrong Law-san˝- Anja replied winking and blushing like a mad woman.

An apple was thrown and landed beside Law. He eyed it curiously and kicked it with his boot.

˝An apple a day keeps the doctor away!˝- Eva sang and hid behind Kidd in his furry coat. Just to be safe. Of course the red head found it funny and laughed. Killer, being the only normal one, silently stared and sighed. He felt like surrounded with children.

˝But if the doctor's cute ditch the fruit, right Anja?˝- Eva continued from the coat and giggled.

˝WHA-OI SHUT UP BAKA!˝

˝Room˝- a blue sphere enveloped both ships and people were in the air screaming and shouting.

˝Oi it's not a bomb Law!˝- Eva yelled suddenly out of her furry shelter. She wailed and kicked her legs in protest. Law smirked and then fell down.

˝CAPTAINN! WHO DID THIS!˝- A white furry man in an orange overall screamed. He was holding a bread loaf and growling. Oh wait, that was a white bear! A SPEAKING BEAR!

˝What?! I ran out of apples, okay!˝- Eva defended herself. Killer silently prayed for this to be over soon, however Kidd didn't seem to mind which was suspicious...

˝It was a few days old, maybe it got hard too much and hit his head?˝ -Eva justified herself poorly.

˝That's what she said...˝-Anja giggled and both girls laughed.

˝You just defeated one of the most dangerous rookies, along with myself.˝- Kidd said. Everyone was back on their feet on the ship, rumbling and going their merry ways.

˝I'm so dead, right?˝- Eva said.

˝Do you think I have a chance with him?˝

˝Nope, nada˝- Eva grinned at her friend who melted on the ship bawling her eyes out.

˝Fuck this˝- Killer said and left the deck. He needed a bubble bath for his headache.

* * *

_ next time on Rakija meets Sake - Dinner with a Flamingo!_


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5.

* * *

˝Fufufuf fufuf yeah...fufufuf˝ - A man with a pink fluffy coat danced around a table, waddling his hips and humming a song. He was currently preparing for dinner. His younger brother would come! It brought tears to his eyes, his baby brother grown up and at sea, pillaging and killing, just like his older brother! Oh he was so proud!

He remember their first meeting like it was yesterday, the brat bouncing around with a fluffy hat and bombs attached to him singing :

_Dashing through the sand_  
_With a bomb strapped to my back_  
_I have a nasty plan_  
_For Christmas in Dessrosa!_

Oh how cute he was! Doflamingo giggled to himself and fixed the plates for the hundredth time. Everything should be perfect when he arrives!

* * *

*somewhere on the beach*

* * *

˝Get off me! Now˝- Killer shouted and activated his spinning blades. A brunette was currently hitchhiking on his back and staring at a certain yellow-black hoodie.

˝Noo he's so close. Shush!˝- She tapped his mask and batted her eyelashes. Killer groaned and gave up. In the end he would never hit a woman.

˝What is she doing ecazftly?˝- Kidd asked. He was leading next to Law, Eva was hugging his arm and shooting daggers at Law. Apparently she thought they would end up together, having rabbit sex on the beach in the sunset. What gave her that idea – he didn't even want to ask. She kept rambling about ships and shipping but no real ships nad it confused him even more so he let her ramble on.

˝Hiding from Law..˝- Eva said and snuggled closer. Kidd noticed that she'd relax next to him and decided to test a few things. Maybe he'd get laid tonight, he thought with a grin.

˝Kidd you're drooling...˝- Eva said with a giggle and reached out to wipe it with her hand. His eyes went wide and he stared at her, still walking. He started to say something when something smacked him. He'd just walked into a branch.

Law smirked ˝Watch were you're going _leader_˝

Kidd growled but said nothing. He was still embarrassed from walking into a branch.

˝Guys look!˝- Anja said from Killers back.

˝What?˝- Shach said. Just like Heat and Wire, he and Penguin along with Bepo, the talking polar bear, decided to accompany their captains to the schichibukai's place. It could be dangerous or worse filled with bread! Imagine it!

˝Fufufu welcom- BROTHER!˝- Doflamingo shouted and ran towards Law with arms wide open. The other man shuddered and prepared for the impact. Doflamingo's huge body collided with Law's and hugged the life out of the smaller man.

˝You're mebarasing me, brother˝- Law creaked out.

˝FUFUFUF NONSENSE! Are these your friends Law-chan?!˝- Doflamingo asked with a wide grin. Penguin and Shachi giggled at a blushing Law.

˝No they're not!˝

˝Oh well fufufu come,come or dinner will get cold!˝- Doflamingo ushered them like little kids to his dinning room. It was on top of a cliff, a beautiful long table with silverware and pink flowers everywhere.

Kidd sat awkwardly next to Eva who beamed at him. The left side consisted of Kidd pirates while the right was filled with Heart Pirates. They eyed each other and coughed.

˝My, my such beautiful faces. Tell me Law, which one is your lover? I don't discriminate sexes or species..fguufufu˝- Doflamingo added winking at the polar bear.

Law was hiding under his napkin suppressing his blush.

˝No one˝

˝Vidiš da ga sram, prestani buljit˝-[Look he's ashamed, stop staring] Eva threw a small spoon at an oggling Anja. The brunette flinched and glared.

˝Pa kad ga svi gnjave e što jedemo?˝ [It's beacuse everyone is messing with him! What are we eating anyway?]

˝Samo da nisu jebene...oh da jesu. O jebote sreća˝ [ I just hope it's not those fucking..of they are. Fuck my luck]

˝Vrag te jebi˝ [Fuck me sideways]

Doflamingo came handling plates to the pirates. He was humming and grinning the whole time.

˝My specialty! Slipperbanana soup! Then' well have slipperbanana roast with your slipperbanana sprouts and for desert slipperbanana pudding!˝- He finished. The table was silent. Eva started crying.

˝Jebem ti i šlape i banane!˝ [Fuck slippers and fuck bananans]

˝Oh don't be sad! Let me sing you a song fufufu˝- Doflamingo said and started waddling moving his hips to a beat in his mind. He started to sing:

Whenever life get you down  
Keeps you wearing a frown  
And the gravy train has left you behind  
And when your all out of hope  
Down at the end of your rope  
And nobody's there to throw you a line

I take a look at my enormous penis  
And my troubles start a-meltin' away (ba-doom bop bop)  
I take a look at my enormous penis  
And the happy times are comin' to stay (be-doo)

I got a sing and I dance  
When I glance in my pants  
And a-feelin's like a sun shiny day  
I take a look at my enormous Pe-e-enis  
And a-everything is goin' my way (ba-doom bop bop)

The table was silent.

˝Why do you have to embarrass me?!˝- Law shouted ˝You just don't understand me!˝- He said and ran like a whiny teenager.

* * *

Song : Enormous penis by Bob And Tom. Buy album CD: Other Songs A - Y

_Next time, the final chapter, what will Doflamingo do for his beloved brother? Can he save him and will Kidd get laid?_


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6.

* * *

˝Znaš čudan je okus..˝- [It has a funny taste] Anja said taking a bite of the Slipperbanana bread that was on the table. It looked relatively normal, just a bread loaf with some slipperbanana chunks, normal right?

˝Nekako bljutav ali sladak u isto vrijeme˝-[It's awful and sweet at the same time...] Eva commented and took a bite, slowly chewing and trying to decipher the taste.

˝Da..nom nom˝ [Yeah]

˝A nekaj je puklo, jel imaju šlapabanane kosti?˝-[Something broke..do slipperbanana's have bones?] A small crack was heard.

˝Es' ti dobro ili se drogiraš?˝[Are you stupid or on drugs?]

˝The fuck? You're eating that shit?˝- Kidd questioned, clearly revolted by their munching. Both girls shrugged and continued to eat.

˝Maybe we should try?˝- Wire suggested and took his spoon eyeing the slipperbanana soup. It did seem good enough to be considered food.

˝I'm not so sure˝- Killer added. He was observing the girls who happily munched,apparently the taste didn't feel so bad after a few bites. Eva yawned, she rubbed her eyes and suddenly her face fell down, landing straight in the soup bowl.

Anja laughed but yawned shortly after and followed her suit.

˝Fufufu no manners,what's so ever..now my ladies go back from where you came˝- Doflamingo said with a huge grin on his face. He waddled to them and poked them with a bony finger. ˝Fufufuf yess..˝

˝Oi pinky, did you just fuck up my only chance to get laid?˝- Kidd said getting up. He was pissed and needy and this birdbrain freak show was irritating. Fuck him being a shicibukai. He didn't need this shit.

˝Eva!˝- Kidd shouted alarmed. Eva's body was disappearing, making his chances of actually getting laid after this closer to zero.

˝Anja too!˝- Heat shouted as well. Both girls were almost transparent, though peacefully dosing in the slipperbanana soup. Maybe it was poison? Special slipperbanana poison.

* * *

A soft glow emanated from a fireplace. The fire cracked lively and warmed the whole house. It was old looking and made of stone but you could feel the presence of a woman's touch. A loud noise echoed, like someone spat. A few creaks and squeaks followed suit, like an old rocking chair?

˝Đe smo mi jebote?˝[Where the fuck are we?]- Anja whispered.

˝Neam pojma, kaj nismo jele s onim budalama one šlapabanane?˝[I don't have the slightest idea, didn't we eat slipperbananas with those idiots?]

˝Al' ovo...ko da sam doma..˝[This is like being home..]

˝Alo dico 'vamo dođte!˝[Brats, come over here]- A female voice said. It seemed old. An old lady? The girls came closer and came face to face with an old woman, dressed in black, from the skirt to the button up shirt to the scarf on her head. Her face was wrinkly but a pair of wise eyes stared back. She tsked and spat again next to her. A bottle of strong schnaps was next to her.

˝A sidite, al naj'te na ladno, evo travarce da se ugrijete˝[Sit down and take some schnaps to warm up!]

˝Uhm zašto smo mi tu?˝- Eva asked unsure and Anja nodded. [Uhm why are we here?]

˝Pa nazad, kud bi? Onaj ptičar vas poslo nazad a sad fino popjte. Eto tako!˝- [Back, where else? That bird sent you back no drink!]The three of them took shot of the herbal schnaps and felt it warm their bodies to the bones.

˝I tak spušila sam Kidda...˝ [Missed my chance with Kidd]

˝Killer i Lawa..˝[Law and Killer]

˝Jesam i ja jednog davno, Garp mi se čini˝-[Ahh, once a time I had a man, Garp I think] The old woman said chuckling ˝Dobar momak, pravi čovik! Pravo muško..eh to su bili dani..˝[A great guy a real man! Ahh those were the days..]

˝Niste nam rekli vaše ime?˝ [You didn't tell us your name]

˝Baba Manda, čuvarka loze i portala˝[Granny Manda, guardian of the schnaps and portal]

˝A mi smo..E˝[And we are E- ]- Eva was interrupted by granny Manda.

˝Eva i Anja, pijandure i dve budale..o još netko nam dolazi˝-[Eva and Anja, two drunks and fools, oh somebody is coming]. The granny said and looked in the fire. A figure was approaching.

˝O možda nisi spušila jednog˝-[Maybe you still have a chance..] Eva said with a wink as Killer fell from the fireplace in a gust of ashes and coals. He spat and took his mask off, glaring.

˝Why?˝

˝Fufufuf LAW-NIII! Come out and plaaay...I've gotten rid of those nuinsances..˝-Doflamingo said and swayed his hips like a mad chicken.

˝You always do this! I WANTED A FEMALE! AND YOU DON'T COUNT YOU STUPID CHICKEN!˝- Law yelled and threw slipperbananas at Doflamingo growling. The rest of the Heart pirates sat next to a few slipper bananas and waited for their Captain to loose his strength. This happened on a regular basis, every few months.

The pink guy shows up, they bicker, the pinky chases him, Captain gives up and the have sex on every part of the ship. Pinky leaves happy and Captain walks funny for a few days.

˝I'm out, Killer better be on the ship˝- Kidd said and received a total ignore. No one cared. The redhead sighed and walked back to his ship.

He wanted rum and sleep.

Maybe a warm body. No scratch that. Too much hassle. He'll raid a whorehouse on the next island.

˝The fuck you here? Get back in your own world?˝- Eva yelled

˝Why should I? It seems peaceful here...˝- Killer argued

˝So you'll stay?˝- Anja jumped on him, hearts in her eyes.

˝MRŠ VAN! Ajmo nije ovo za djecu dom!˝[GET OUT! This isn't a children's playground!]- Granny Manda shouted and threw them out with a broom, talking to herself and cursing.

˝Oh look a bridge..˝- Killer said suddenly. He walked to it and stopped in the middle, looking at the river below.

˝U Mostaru smo..˝[We're in Mostar]

˝Izgleda e muž ti se baca˝-[Looks like it, oh look your husband is jumping] Eva said. Anja glared and prepared to retort but turned first to the bridge. Killer had climber up and spread his arms.

He jumped.

˝Good bye cruel world˝- He yelled and fell in the water. S small red blob appeared on the water's surface and soon the body surfaced. He looked peaceful.

˝Jebemti sreču...˝ [Fuck my life]

˝Očemo probat sreću za Naruto svijet sad?˝ [Wanna try our luck with the Naruto world now?]- Eva asked with a grin. She was waving a black piece of paper in front of Anja.

˝O daa! ITACHI ČEKAJ ME!˝- ]YES! Itachi wait for me!] Anja yelled. They had another ticket!

* * *

**Aaaand it's a wrap for this story! Thank you all who reviewed and read this crack filled nonsense hahah **

** Would you like me to continue their crack journeys in another crack naruto fic? Tell me! :D**


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